A month in China

You have been in China too long if:

You consider McDonald's a treat.

You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.

Your body no longer needs dairy products.

Forks feel funny.

It's impolite not to honk your horn. It's like saying hey there buddy.. right beside you.

Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.

You talk louder than is necessary.

You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.

Pollution, what pollution?

You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.

You think a pedestrian crossing a busy street is ‘beautiful’.

You prefer using chopsticks.

You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk.

You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.

You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.

You start to enjoy the taste of bai jiu.

You use the word “Ayyiieeaaahh” every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.

You think squat toilets are more sensible.

You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.

you barely flinch when you see a small child emptying his bowels in the street.

You find yourself crying over a menu in a western restaurant because they serve potato salad.

You don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.

Grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they run away giggling.

The smell of stinky tofu doesn't faze you anymore.

Groups of people find it fascinating to watch you buy an orange at a fruit market. Commentary is provided in case some people don't know exactly what's going on.

When the national news is on, your forty TV channels magically become the same channel.

you leave your laundry hanging up for more than a day its dirtier than it was before you washed it.

Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.

You think your nose IS kind of big.

You shout on the phone in confined spaces to ensure no one misses your important information.

You make enquiries in banks to the cashier whilst they are serving someone else.

You make loud slurping or eating noises to make the food taste better.

Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.

You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.

Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.

You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.

You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and not even notice the fish looking back at you.

It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.